It may seem like an easy question. Most of us would naturally answer, “I am.” Yet when you look more closely at your decisions, you may discover how often they are shaped by other people’s expectations, immediate pressures, old beliefs or circumstances you have accepted as unchangeable.
In this week’s episode of Unbox The Podcast, I shared how self-leadership became central to my work. My understanding grew from a time in my own life when the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait removed the future I had expected. I could not control what had happened, and although people offered advice, their answers did not feel right for me.
I had to discover what was right for me. That experience taught me that guidance can support you, but it cannot lead your life for you.
We each have a specific and unique path. There cannot be a cookie-cutter answer for a life only you are living.
Self-leadership begins when you understand yourself well enough to make your own decisions. It grows when awareness translates into action.
Self-leadership is not control
Self-leadership does not mean that you can control every circumstance or guarantee the outcome of every decision.
You will make mistakes. Unexpected events will happen. Other people will make choices that affect you. Sometimes you will begin moving in one direction and later discover that you need to adjust it.
Self-leadership means remaining actively involved in your own life throughout those changes.
You pay attention to what is happening within you as well as around you. You examine your choices honestly. You listen to your intuition alongside logic. You recognise your influence and take responsibility for your actions.
Many people give away that responsibility without realising it.
You may wait for someone else to approve your decision. You may remain in a situation because changing it would disappoint someone. You may continue repeating what is familiar because you do not trust yourself to deal with the unknown.
You may also blame circumstances for keeping you stuck when, somewhere within those circumstances, there is still a decision you could make. That decision may not change everything immediately, but it may change the direction in which you are moving.
How self-leadership begins
Self-leadership begins when you ask: What part of this situation belongs to me? Perhaps you cannot change another person’s behaviour, but you can decide what you will accept.
May be you cannot leave a job today, but you can begin acquiring a new skill or preparing for another role. Or, perhaps you cannot undo a decision you made in the past, but you can stop allowing it to determine what you do next.
This is why accountability is empowering. It returns your attention to the part of the situation where your power still exists.
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Catch up on the new series Conversations with Sahar, from Unbox The Podcast:
